Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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