He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
