I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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