I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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