I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
