I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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