There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
