dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Pants are for mortals
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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