"it" just moved
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
