At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Never underestimate the power of titties
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
