he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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