nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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