so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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