I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
