you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
