can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize