There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
