strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
