Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........