I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
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i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.