if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
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2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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