That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.