i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
