Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
