Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
