U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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