My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
