this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
