I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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