i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
