I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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