Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What a dumb baby whore.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
