Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
