Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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