i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
