Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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