i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Someone came in the potted fern
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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