It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
