I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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