i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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