just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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