This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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