I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Small penises have feelings too.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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