shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
