quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I love having hate sex.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
