it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
