vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
