i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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