I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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