so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
