wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
