So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
