Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
