There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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