I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
