My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My vagina is officially offended.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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