he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
