Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
