just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize