how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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