Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i now understand why vodka
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
