Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
