What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
as a side note pls kill me
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