Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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