I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
