So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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