how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
