he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
