you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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