i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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