Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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