What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
me + whiskey = a bad person
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
ok first of all what the fuck
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
