Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You ruined the universe
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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