Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
