do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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