my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize