Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
