mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
