A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
