Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
