I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
