it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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