You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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