I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
