rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You made out with two different species that night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
