watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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