I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
